A couple of months ago, I did not think I would be in this space, with so much peace and understanding.
I was facing eviction, (I had a change in my income) like days before Christmas. I was panicking and I reached out to the Department of Health and Human Services. They denied me 3 times. (Like Peter denied Jesus, but I digress.) I was in such an unhappy and unfaithful space. I had no clue where I was going to go.
I was in shambles. I was depressed. I wanted to die. I remember texting my boyfriend and saying that I don't think I could do this and that I was a bad mother. All I desired was to provide stability and a home for my children.
I prayed y'all!! PRAYED!! FASTED and reached out to my prayer warriors. My Godmother would check on me everyday and send me prayers. I had friends and family keeping me encouraged. After hearing Kierra Sheard's "Hang On", which I still jam too. I knew that I needed to make some changes.
"What you gonna do when your back's against the wall?
How you're gonna smile when it seems all hope is lost?
What you gonna do when you need a little more grace?
How you gone respond when they try to test your faith?
I started with myself. I changed my mindset. I started believing and having faith that I knew that God was going to work this out. I started SHOWING God that I wanted this to be my home. Then, I began to treat it as such, I unpacked our clothes (this is another story in and of itself). I would greet my home every evening when we arrived and every morning (which I still do) I would express how grateful I was to have this home for my family and I.
I became more intentional in my prayers and I remained in my faith. A few weeks passed and I had to go to court. I was a nervous wreck. I was holding back tears as the lawyer pretty much told me that I had to leave. But Spirit said, ask to speak with the manager. I did. I sat with her and provided her with a plan of action. "I read your file, and I see that you have two boys. I just can't put a family out." This was God showing up in the tangible for me.
She agreed with the plan and I was able to stay...but while I was waiting, God was working behind the scenes, (in our waiting we get frustrated but know that God is working it out on your behalf) this was a new manager who was willing to work with me (the old manager not so much) and she even expressed the changes she wanted to make at the complex because of all the families that lived there.
I learned that I needed to be specific and intentional in my prayers. I remember hearing Joel Olsten talk about this on his show. I also had to execute the next steps that Spirit was leading me to do. This can be hard, because sometimes when God asks us to do something, we make excuses as to why we can't or won't do it.
I mediated more; this is how I stayed in-tuned with Spirit. I did yoga, because drawing attention to your breathe, really does help you to concentrate and focus and I started reading my bible more. I would sign up for different devotionals based on what was troubling my heart/or what I needed more understanding about. I journaled as well, because sometimes you have to write it down and make it plain!
Getting still and quiet in a society that is digitally driven can be difficult to do, however I forced myself to put my phone down and shut off FB, Instagram and stop checking my emails constantly. You gotta sacrifice something!
I had to adapt the attitude that God didn't just want to hear from me, when things were going bad in my life. I had to remember to do this, even when life was good! Attending church, praying, fasting and volunteering shows us faithful in God's eye, however, we must be intentional about building our relationship with God/Spirit/Creator first. We must understand that when we operate out of spirit, the desires of our hearts will come to fruition.
I am saying all this to say, DO NOT GIVE UP on GOD or YOU! Truly, troubles don't last always and joy does come in the morning.